This is Sam: Extreme Niche Nerd and Offspring of the Mutant Mid-Century.

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27th October 2009

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Extreme Metal Hunks Bill Steer (Napalm Death, Carcass, Firebird) Hot Because: “Niche appeal” is something I’m hesitant to state in a weekly segment that talks about hot guys in extreme metal. However, within a niche, only one may live, and Bill Steer is the fittest survivor of the niche for “Your High-School next door neighbour who plays the guitar in a local band.” Think about it. The slender build and long hair go nicely with a simple jeans and t-shirt combo but it all comes together beautifully when he has a guitar on him. Hes that one kid who has faith in his craft and art - or is bored enough - to stick with a band that many may have referred to as “a broken washing machine vomiting.” Metal. Plus the band(s) he stuck with plunged the face of punk and metal mouth first into a 4 foot metal spike. Napalm Death. Carcass. You cannot know grindcore without first listening to these bands. They set the bar in every measurable way. Too bad the majority of the members are unfuckable. But not Bill. Plus he is British and hasn’t been torturing his vocal chords for 20+ years, so a cute accent is a possibility. Ideal Date: He is gonna teach you a bit of guitar, he is. You’ve been thinking about it on and off and you’re a little annoyed that you never took time out to play the guitar. It seems easy enough, right? Well now that you’re in your early to mid 20’s you feel animosity towards your past-self as apparently the ship to learn new skills in life has left dock. Or something. If you’re above the age of 27, then really you have no excuse to hide behind - we all know you just want to get physically close to Bill. One day, after last lesson where he got annoyed at you for not practicing, you come to your lesson prepared for the worst (i.e. you have to play a full song). When trying to slowly maneuver around the chord changes in the song Bill stops you to offer assistance. As your sit with your guitar Bill crouches behind you and positions his hands over yours. His swift and nimble hands lead yours through a whirlwind of notes and and chords. The two of you stop 3 minutes later. You: exhausted. Bill: warmed up. He later tells you that you played a total of 12 songs within the 3 minutes. Deal Breaker: Firebird. Don’t talk to him about Firebird. Blues rock? Sure thing. But Firebird? Really? It’s not that it’s bad, or anything. It’s just for the best. For your sake, not his, of course.

Extreme Metal Hunks

Bill Steer (Napalm Death, Carcass, Firebird)

Hot Because: “Niche appeal” is something I’m hesitant to state in a weekly segment that talks about hot guys in extreme metal. However, within a niche, only one may live, and Bill Steer is the fittest survivor of the niche for “Your High-School next door neighbour who plays the guitar in a local band.”

Think about it. The slender build and long hair go nicely with a simple jeans and t-shirt combo but it all comes together beautifully when he has a guitar on him. Hes that one kid who has faith in his craft and art - or is bored enough - to stick with a band that many may have referred to as “a broken washing machine vomiting.” Metal.

Plus the band(s) he stuck with plunged the face of punk and metal mouth first into a 4 foot metal spike. Napalm Death. Carcass. You cannot know grindcore without first listening to these bands. They set the bar in every measurable way. Too bad the majority of the members are unfuckable. But not Bill.

Plus he is British and hasn’t been torturing his vocal chords for 20+ years, so a cute accent is a possibility.

Ideal Date: He is gonna teach you a bit of guitar, he is. You’ve been thinking about it on and off and you’re a little annoyed that you never took time out to play the guitar. It seems easy enough, right? Well now that you’re in your early to mid 20’s you feel animosity towards your past-self as apparently the ship to learn new skills in life has left dock. Or something. If you’re above the age of 27, then really you have no excuse to hide behind - we all know you just want to get physically close to Bill.

One day, after last lesson where he got annoyed at you for not practicing, you come to your lesson prepared for the worst (i.e. you have to play a full song). When trying to slowly maneuver around the chord changes in the song Bill stops you to offer assistance. As your sit with your guitar Bill crouches behind you and positions his hands over yours. His swift and nimble hands lead yours through a whirlwind of notes and and chords. The two of you stop 3 minutes later. You: exhausted. Bill: warmed up.

He later tells you that you played a total of 12 songs within the 3 minutes.

Deal Breaker: Firebird. Don’t talk to him about Firebird. Blues rock? Sure thing. But Firebird? Really?

It’s not that it’s bad, or anything. It’s just for the best. For your sake, not his, of course.

Tagged: Extreme Metal Hunksgrindcoredeath metalbluesmetal

  1. asmodestasdillinger posted this

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