This is Sam: Extreme Niche Nerd and Offspring of the Mutant Mid-Century.

Complaints and money orders can be sent to as.modest.as.dillinger [at] gmail.com

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3rd November 2009

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Extreme Metal Hunk: Brann Dailor (Mastodon, Today is the Day, Lethargy, Discordance Axis (live), Gaylord) Hot Because: I hesitate to post this because I just noticed that a lot of my posts recently have been about Mastodon. Can you blame me? This was the picture to do it for me. Man does a suit well. He does many things, well. Say what you will about the choice of hunks within the metal world but there seems to be a consistency of extremely chill dudes. Brann is the type to air drum to Rush, listen to Stevie Wonder while drunk, and leaves prank answering machine messages. No one understands him! But I/YOU DO! Maybe… Plus tour schedule is what, like, 300+ days for Mastodon right now? 300+ days of high intensity, sweaty drumming can do wonders for sustainability and dexterity (i.e. he’ll bone you really good like). Ideal Date: Watch this. Seriously, just do it. Finished? K. You’re the one holding the camera. He’ll eventually steal the camera away from you and the two of you will later be seen in a video leaked to the internet under the title of Banging the Not So Little Drummer Boy. You receive a healthy sum of money from a lawsuit against your roommate who posted it. But you don’t care about the money. You’re ashamed not of the video but for the loss of a private and beautiful moment you shared with this drummer from a metal band (who probably won’t even stop in your town on the next tour). A moment lost to internet perversion and so forth. A moment that was meant for you to watch whenever your felt like watching yourself fuck a drummer on digital video. Deal Breaker: You can choose only ONE! I know this isn’t that big of a deal for some, to FORCE YOUR HEART TO DECIDE! I’d fuck it up. I know I would. I’m the type to kill both because I couldn’t stand to choose between them so I didn’t have to come face to face with my whirlwind of emotions that fails to subside no matter how many of my problems I kill fix it’s never enough! Ok, now I’m happy again.

Extreme Metal Hunk: Brann Dailor (Mastodon, Today is the Day, Lethargy, Discordance Axis (live), Gaylord)

Hot Because: I hesitate to post this because I just noticed that a lot of my posts recently have been about Mastodon. Can you blame me? This was the picture to do it for me. Man does a suit well. He does many things, well. Say what you will about the choice of hunks within the metal world but there seems to be a consistency of extremely chill dudes. Brann is the type to air drum to Rush, listen to Stevie Wonder while drunk, and leaves prank answering machine messages. No one understands him! But I/YOU DO! Maybe…

Plus tour schedule is what, like, 300+ days for Mastodon right now? 300+ days of high intensity, sweaty drumming can do wonders for sustainability and dexterity (i.e. he’ll bone you really good like).

Ideal Date:

Watch this. Seriously, just do it.

Finished?

K. You’re the one holding the camera. He’ll eventually steal the camera away from you and the two of you will later be seen in a video leaked to the internet under the title of Banging the Not So Little Drummer Boy. You receive a healthy sum of money from a lawsuit against your roommate who posted it. But you don’t care about the money. You’re ashamed not of the video but for the loss of a private and beautiful moment you shared with this drummer from a metal band (who probably won’t even stop in your town on the next tour). A moment lost to internet perversion and so forth. A moment that was meant for you to watch whenever your felt like watching yourself fuck a drummer on digital video.

Deal Breaker: You can choose only ONE! I know this isn’t that big of a deal for some, to FORCE YOUR HEART TO DECIDE! I’d fuck it up. I know I would. I’m the type to kill both because I couldn’t stand to choose between them so I didn’t have to come face to face with my whirlwind of emotions that fails to subside no matter how many of my problems I kill fix it’s never enough!

Ok, now I’m happy again.

Tagged: mastodonsludgemetalhardcoreExtreme Metal Hunks

  1. codeaires reblogged this from asmodestasdillinger and added:
    we were both completely alone...might make some sexy time
  2. asmodestasdillinger posted this

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