As Modest As He Ever Was

MOMENTS THAT MESSED WITH ME AS A CHILD — CAGE GETS OWNED

Thanks to io9’s constant efforts to enforce my current sleeping patterns, I remembered that Mortal Kombat: Annihilation was a thing. More specifically, that Johnny Cage (my favourite character from the first film) goes out like a sickeningly underweight bitch in a pie eating contest. Seriously, how does a guy who kills both Scorpion AND Fourarmed Von Ultramotherfucker get his ass murdered in such a manner? If he was beaten to death by a pack of sexually aggressive chimps he’d still have more dignity than he does in this scene.

So, as a young boy who has just seen his favourite character die in the first 10 minutes of the film, I may have developed a bit of a bias against the resulting 85 minutes. This had such a profound effect on me that my adolescent mind completely forgot every detail about the film beyond this scene. Like Liu Kang helplessly struggling against a wolf who turns out to be a complete dick. I completely forgot how that scene played out; I somehow had it in my head that Nightwolf wasn’t portrayed as an utter douche. Also I forgot that Dexter’s dad played Raiden for this one. None of this means the movie is good. None of this means anything.