Complaints and money orders can be sent to as.modest.as.dillinger [at] gmail.com
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This is a project that I finished last night for my Post Production class. The goal was simple: take this Sodalicious commercial and remake all the sounds and music for it. It’s 15 seconds and it took me 20-30 minutes (give or take) to do the night before it was due (today). All guitar parts and voice work were done by me. My personal goal was to make all the sound effects with guitar noises (except the scratching and footsteps which I recorded onto the same track as the imp-thing’s voice) but I got lazy about 15 minutes in and just recorded two separate guitar solos in one take followed by about 5 minutes of pinch harmonics that I attempted to edit into sound effects. Hopefully the attempt to lampoon the EXTREME commercials of the 90’s to early 2000’s still comes through, but either way I really don’t care anymore.
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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]Banjocalypse! - Outro
I recorded bedtracks for Matt’s band demo, which is still nameless - therefore un-hypeable - and during the ordeal I was coaxed into playing the studio’s banjo (with a cracked bridge and two missing strings) for the demo’s outro.
This is me. Wanking a banjo.
I don’t know how to play banjo. But thanks to extreme boredom and some handy editing I managed to haphazardly create this outro out of a few riffs. The strings I altered from a previous session I composed. I am too lazy to create something new. It’s 3:50 in the morning. I’ll most likely add more to this later. Unless Matt is happy.
Are you, Matt?
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It took 9 hours. I had to start/finish ADR (automated dialogue replacement) which included me having to wrap my head in duct tape and scream until I got light headed. Within those 9 hours I had 4 pieces of pizza, drank 5 cups of coffee, spat up two energy drinks and fully embraced my renewed addiction to nicotine. Did you know that there is a helicopter sound right when he is cutting off the ear? Seriously. There is a fucking helicopter swirl sound clearly heard during actually cutting part. The mind is so obfuscated due to the earlessness and Stealers Wheel that you don’t notice it. Foley was an awkward bitch on stilts for this. That’s all I’ll saying on that.
This has been As Modest As Dillinger. It’s currently 4:30 am.
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(I tell this story because a few people have asked and rather than telling just a few people about it, I decided to simply write it all down for others to see it simply so I don’t have to repeat myself.)
I keep myself convinced that I will one day have a good time on mushrooms while at a metal show - it just hasn’t happened yet. I stress the yet, thinking that one good time will make up for countless (actually 4 total) times that actually weren’t that great. It has nothing to do with the fact that I am high on mushrooms, it’s just that I seem to have oh so coincidentally bad luck when I am high on mushrooms at metal shows. All events that go on are not within my power to alter until it is too late and blood will be spilled. Other than that I’m still pressuring myself to have high hopes for a good time one of these days (I’ll make it a new years resolution or something…)
So the story of this starts with me taking mushrooms before going to the Cannibal Corpse/Hatebreed show. Actually it probably starts with my agreeing to go to a Hatebreed show. I’m not by any stretch a fan of Hatebreed and their brand of one-note metalcore with a fanbase that is filled with meatheaded pseudo-jocks who’d rather fight invincible ninjas than listen to music with actual riffs, melodies, soul etc. This isn’t how I feel about “metalcore” as a whole, there is some good metalcore out there, I’m just not big on the BREAKDOWNS! I kind of hate them. Especially since everyone I hear is the same! Anyway I’m getting a bit tangential here, my point is that I am predisposed in my hatred against metalcore-meatheads.
So essentially I got in a fight.
Really, it was a scuffle that happened in between a period of 95 seconds (or less) that involved a lot of lucky hits. Being on mushrooms, my sense of time left me and around some point in the evening (I don’t know when) I saw a man of about 6’3” (or something) in a Hatebreed shirt punch out a woman that was no where near 6 feet. Like, straight up punch her. I’ve been taking mushrooms long enough to know the difference between what is real and a hallucination and this was real. This was near the mosh pit but was in no way part of any mosh pit antics. He full on punched this woman. This is what started it.
I have a problem with things such as guys hitting women - there is no blaming “rage issues” or “lost temper”, you do not strike a woman - so instead of questioning him about it I kneed him in the gut then in the rib cage. I was unaware that the guy had spike bracelets on (rather sharp ones) and somewhere in the space of 20 seconds slammed them into my head a few times and managed to snag a good cut on my forehead (which “bleeds like a stuck pig” as my Mother would so awesomely put it).
I was unaware of the blood as I thought it was just sweat in my eyes but I nonetheless landed a couple of punches to his nose and subsequently broke it. Blood rushed from his nose surprisingly quickly with a good amount getting on me. It was at this point that a few people interjected, or simply got in the way, and I decided to leave because “I had enough of this shit.” Again, this entire thing occupied less than a minute and a half of time.
I didn’t know about the blood until I got to the bus to go home. I’m surprised that no one said a thing. I did notice that I was getting a lot of strange looks but I amused a byproduct of my paranoia from the drug use. The bus driver was the only one to actually ask “Are you going to be ok?” It was then that I looked into the buses side view mirror and noticed the blood on my face.
When I got home I took a picture because I more or less couldn’t believe it and needed photo evidence to prove it. I then cleaned my face of all the dried blood and cleaned the cut. The only thing I am somewhat concerned about is the amount of the other guy’s blood that I got on myself. I got myself tested the morning after, however I am in no way worried about the outcome. The gentleman in question whose blood I got on myself did not strike me as someone who gets the chance to have copious amounts of unprotected sex.
And that is literally all there is in my fine-mush-detailed memory. I got in a fight and the damage looks a lot worse than it actually is. Despite my history of drug use I do try to eat right and manage to obtain all my required vitamins so I’ll heal up fine. I always do.
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Lesson learned: Cannibal Corpse, shrooms and chivalry - though all great separate - do not mix well.
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A Fucking Status Cloud
I had 3 minutes to spare on Facebook and made a status cloud from my accumulated status updates from the past year. Apparently the words that I use the most with my status updates (over the past year) are as follows:
- fucking
- hell
- time
- views
- un-fucking-satisfied
- interviews
- suck
- fuck
- extra
- ticket
- suffocation
- live
- carcass
- origin
- collider
- hadron
- thanks
- pissed
- sleep
- people
- cats
- days
- school
- kill
- yeah
- meant
- week
- start
- phone
- cell
- studying
- hard
- little
- whoring
- asleep
- fell
- backyard
- angry
- heard
- sleeping
- killer
- bear
- deschanel
- zooey
- taboo
- disgusting
- morning
- tonight
- harbourside
- motherfucking
- pants
- writers
- sorry
- sell
- caring
- stopped
- frankly
- lazy
- realized
This is Sam of As Modest As Dillinger, thanks for reading.
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To Those Who E-mailed Me
I am sorry for not doing an Extreme Metal Hunk this week (“extending your skip week from the previous week in a pretty dick manner,” says one of the e-mails). I am frankly more surprised by the varied degrees of emotions exhibited in these e-mails, as oppose to the fact that people (multiple!) actually took time out of their day to e-mail me. I never knew people could get so passionate about overtly detailed descriptions of facial hair and overly wordy dream Man dates.
Oh, and to the individual who e-mail me with “fagot” in the title, I’m sorry I didn’t “even take time out to do another LolCats” joke for the skip week. I’m aware that cats are “soothing” for the emotionally unbalanced. That’s why I use them when breaking bad news.
So apparently I have to announce that Extreme Metal Hunk will be back next Tuesday. I just got swamped with other projects to the point that I haven’t been posting at all lately. I’ll back to that soon enough, once the espresso enema finally kicks in.
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