Dillinger's Run

1st December 2009

Photo with 5 notes

Extreme Metal Hunks: Travis Ryan (Cattle Decapitation, 5/5/2000, UUM, Anal Flatulence, Strangulation)

Hot Because: This here is a hunk with heart filled with gooey sympathy for the Earth. An animal lover and vegetarian, Travis - along with his main band, Cattle Decapitation - write and perform songs entailing themes about pro-animal and environmental issues…and the um *cough* total destruction of the human race. This isn’t some hippy who would get his ass handed to him by a fucking squirrel in a fight. This hunk still loves   all the killing and murderous gore that comes with the genre of grindgore. But his pro-animal/gore-fetishism isn’t what makes this man a hunk, it’s his showmanship.

There are too few schools of the death/grind frontman: the basics including your guitarist/singers (e.g. Chuck Schuldiner, Muhammed Suicemz) and your stationary monolith/badass (e.g. George Corpsegrinder Fisher, Kevin Sharpe, Frank Mullen). Travis is part of a rare breed of extreme metal frontman of the fast moving wild man with the energy of crack baby with ADHD. What I’m saying is the man knows how to put on a show: he holds the audience’s attention hostage, toys with it, and leaves it battered, begging for more.

Plus he has pretty blue eyes that one can get lost in like a mighty maelstrom (and then you drown and your corpse is washed up on the shore three days later…)

Ideal Date: The two of you meet late (emphasis on the LATE) at out near the 7-11 that is conveniently close to the medical testing facility. As par your agreement, you both are wearing black along with gloves and full face masks. He hands you a crowbar and leads you towards the medical testing facility stepping lightly with the swiftness of a cheetah stalking its sluggish prey. After about four paragraphs of high stakes stealth maneuvers that rival the greatest scenes of a high budget 90’s spy film, the two of you break into the facility and enter the main testing room. The sights are unbearable: monkeys, being kept prisoner and forced into scientific experimentation are scattered around in cages. Travis stands still, his voice silent. His breath hesitant. A single tear rolls down his cheek.

“We must free them,” he says. As he makes for the nearest cage, a scientist (you assume due to the lab coat and regular lack of physical build) walks into the room holding a cup of coffee. He drops his coffee in shock and screams, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU”RE DOING?”

Both Travis and you stare with contempt at the so-called scientist, “THESE CHIMPS ARE INFECTED! IF THEY ARE RELEASED THEY WILL DESTROY ALL HUMANKIND WITHIN A MANNER OF DAYS BY SPREADING A VIRUS THAT TURNS ITS VICTIMS INTO HYPERACTIVE CANNIBAL RAPISTS!”

Travis pauses, his crowbar raised in the air about to strike the cage’s lock, “Cool.” Travis smashes each and every lock while the monkeys flood the halls of the facility, brutally killing and sodomizing the facilities faculty in a sadistic gore filled haze of ultraviolence that would make the Marquis de Sade blush.

The two of you then go for a quaint diner at a local vegan diner while the streets run red with the bodies of crazed murderous rapists.

Deal Breaker: I don’t know, this guys seems like the complete package: cute, compassionate, has a sense of humor and is part of an awesome band. However his greatest selling point could be his biggest down fall for some: the whole don’t-eat-meat deal. It’s not clear on whether or not he is a Nazi with his vegetarianism but if you’re anything like me then you’d rather die than give up on steaks and chops.

Tagged: Extreme Metal Hunksdeath metalgrindgrindcoremetal

26th November 2009

Photo with 8 notes

Terrifyer.  Love this album so much right now.

Tagged: pig destroyergrindgrindcoredeath metalartworkmetal

8th November 2009

Photo reblogged from I take pictures of bands & write about metal. with 4 notes

Trap Them [photo by englishwaffle]

Tagged: grindgrindcorehardcorephotophotographyreblogging the shit out of that

27th October 2009

Photo with 5 notes

Extreme Metal Hunks

Bill Steer (Napalm Death, Carcass, Firebird)

Hot Because: “Niche appeal” is something I’m hesitant to state in a weekly segment that talks about hot guys in extreme metal. However, within a niche, only one may live, and Bill Steer is the fittest survivor of the niche for “Your High-School next door neighbour who plays the guitar in a local band.”

Think about it. The slender build and long hair go nicely with a simple jeans and t-shirt combo but it all comes together beautifully when he has a guitar on him. Hes that one kid who has faith in his craft and art - or is bored enough - to stick with a band that many may have referred to as “a broken washing machine vomiting.” Metal.

Plus the band(s) he stuck with plunged the face of punk and metal mouth first into a 4 foot metal spike. Napalm Death. Carcass. You cannot know grindcore without first listening to these bands. They set the bar in every measurable way. Too bad the majority of the members are unfuckable. But not Bill.

Plus he is British and hasn’t been torturing his vocal chords for 20+ years, so a cute accent is a possibility.

Ideal Date: He is gonna teach you a bit of guitar, he is. You’ve been thinking about it on and off and you’re a little annoyed that you never took time out to play the guitar. It seems easy enough, right? Well now that you’re in your early to mid 20’s you feel animosity towards your past-self as apparently the ship to learn new skills in life has left dock. Or something. If you’re above the age of 27, then really you have no excuse to hide behind - we all know you just want to get physically close to Bill.

One day, after last lesson where he got annoyed at you for not practicing, you come to your lesson prepared for the worst (i.e. you have to play a full song). When trying to slowly maneuver around the chord changes in the song Bill stops you to offer assistance. As your sit with your guitar Bill crouches behind you and positions his hands over yours. His swift and nimble hands lead yours through a whirlwind of notes and and chords. The two of you stop 3 minutes later. You: exhausted. Bill: warmed up.

He later tells you that you played a total of 12 songs within the 3 minutes.

Deal Breaker: Firebird. Don’t talk to him about Firebird. Blues rock? Sure thing. But Firebird? Really?

It’s not that it’s bad, or anything. It’s just for the best. For your sake, not his, of course.

Tagged: Extreme Metal Hunksgrindcoredeath metalbluesmetal